Good Morning, Noms! -Nov. 15

November 15, 2012 — Leave a comment

Thursdays are somehow a little more snarky than most other days, and so we drop in on the Portlandia folks to see their guide book, we bemoan the “death of indie tea” in the aftermath of the Starbucks-Teavana purchase, and we vicariously hate on Williams Sonoma. But then we have candy, and life seems better.

Good Morning Noms 11 15 2012

I suppose it had to happen sometime

Fred and Carrie made a book. Good thing it’s about “Portlandia” not Portland, otherwise my plan for a snarky guide book about the city and its people would be ruined.

Starbuckvana

If you didn’t already hear it yesterday (it would have sounded like millions of voices crying out in terror), Starbucks is buying Teavana. The press release promises, um, reach. Lotsa reach:

Powered by Starbucks existing infrastructure, Starbucks plans to continue to grow and extend Teavana’s already-successful 300 mall-based stores as well as add a high-profile neighborhood store concept that will accelerate Teavana’s domestic and global footprint.

“We believe the tea category is ripe for reinvention and rapid growth. The Teavana acquisition now positions us to disrupt and lead, just as we did with espresso starting three decades ago,” said Howard Schultz, Starbucks chairman, president and ceo (sic). “Teavana’s world-class tea authority, coupled with the romance and theater of the retail experience that is the heart and soul of Starbucks heritage, will create a differentiated customer experience and business opportunity that delivers immediate value to shareholders. This complements our existing Tazo brand and gives us the unique opportunity to create a two-tiered market position.”

Two questions: Does Howard Schultz think he’s achieving something by calling himself a “ceo” instead of the capitalized version? Is anybody keeping an eye on the strategic caffeine reserve? Because muh-fuggin Starbucks owns everything now.

The hater’s guide to the Williams Sonoma catalog

Drew Magary over at Deadspin really, really nailed it. Comedy. Gold.

By the way, that acorn twine dispenser? Williams Sonoma is giving one away, along with some serious turkey tools.

Hattie’s Sweet Shop is Wonka-tastically wonderful

Portland Monthly has some lovely photos of the new candy store on NE Fremont.

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